It has happened to all of us on more than one occasion that we need to get a person out of the head, either because it is someone who we are in love with and does not belong to us, because we have broken a sentimental relationship, because they have offended us, or even because it has passed away and it is time to turn the page, in short, the causes can be many .
Unfortunately, on many occasions forgetting that person is an almost impossible task, as well as painful
His memory returns to our head incessantly and get hooked on our thoughts without being able to do anything to avoid it, producing a true emotional ordeal.
We are not going to tell you in this article that we have a miraculous solution to this problem but, although it seems difficult, there are strategies that you can use to get more control over your mind.
Strategies to help you forget someone
Schedule a specific time to think
You know you should forget that person, but it seems that you end up doing just the opposite too often, because the thoughts that arise in your mind appear when they want. You can try to ignore them when they arise, but you have realized that you cannot do much to prevent them from appearing.
Luckily, there are some things you can do. You should know that when something appears in your mind too often, it is because you have not processed it at all. So, you need to spend some time thinking about that topic, or in this case, person. Yes, in a controlled way, deciding when and for how long, trying to analyze what has happened, your emotions, your thoughts, the consequences of what happened, how it has affected you, etc.
You should look for a moment throughout the day, a specific time, to think (or better yet, write) about your relationship with that person and its meaning. When you have this mechanism in place and you realize that your mind thinks about the issue outside of the scheduled time, you should say: "Not now, I will think about this at the time I have scheduled" and focus your attention on whatever What are you doing at that moment?
Imagine the person only in a photograph
Another strategy is to imagine the person only as if it were a portrait, and then visualize how the wind takes the picture, raising it and moving it away from you more and more, until it disappears completely from your view and your mind. Don't get stuck in other thoughts while doing it.
Throw it in the bin
Write the name of the person you want to forget on a piece of paper, or you can also write a brief description of the thought that has come to mind (for example: "I remembered the day he told me that such a thing I did not like" ) and then crumple the paper and throw it away.
Don't give so many turns to what happened
Even if you don't stop thinking about past events, you won't be able to change them, just as much as you imagine “if I had said… if I had done…”, this will only keep you in a vicious circle of emotional pain and grief. Think about it with logic and you will see it's no use turning things around.
Keep the distance. If you want to forget someone, you better not see each other anymore and leave all contact, that is clear. It is the way to no longer remove the feelings and let them gradually fade away. But if you have no choice because, for example, you have children in common, you work in the same company or any other situation, try to make your relationship strictly focus on what you cannot avoid, and keep with that person only the essential contacts.
Control your dominant emotion
Identify what emotion you feel more strongly and for longer. Is it sadness, anger, fear of loneliness, feeling of contempt or humiliation, desire for revenge ...? Then try to find out what is generating these feelings. Analyze your thoughts. Ask yourself: “What am I thinking to feel this way?” For example, the fear of loneliness may be generated by thoughts such as “I will not find anyone who loves me, I will remain alone forever, I will not be able to bear it…”
Your feelings offer you important information about the topics you need to discuss. For example, when someone leaves you without your wish, you may feel anger. Many people, after analyzing the reasons for this anger, realize that they feel humiliated because they see the rupture as a contempt, a rejection, feelings that we do not always know how to handle properly because of children we have not been taught to deal with them, or because we suffered because of rejection by peers.
Have things to do and keep your mind busy all day, it helps you doubly: on the one hand, by focusing your attention on something else, you will prevent your mind from wandering where you don't want to. On the other hand, having many different experiences throughout the day, will make your days more dynamic, generate new memories in your life and give you the feeling that you are not always on the same subject.
This technique is based on live here and now, focusing only on the present, in the small sensations of everyday life, such as the wind in the face, the heat of the sun when you take a walk, perceive more thoroughly what you are looking at, listening, tasting ... Since what you need is to learn to control your mind, The mindfuness is a good tool to help you precisely achieve it and is easy to use.
Question your thoughts
When we are immersed in an intense emotional state (very sad, angry, anxious ...), we think in an exaggerated and quite irrational way, we have thoughts that, if we meditate carefully, we will see that in normal situations we would not have. Surely they are thoughts that our family and friends already detect that they are not "normal", and they may even have told us on more than one occasion. All this leads us to feel even worse. Do not believe everything that goes through your mind when you are in such an altered state.
When you detect these thoughts, remember point 1 of this article and leave these thoughts to be invaded only at the agreed time, in this way the rest of the day you will remain more focused on the present and you will not fall into the spiral of pain so easily.
We are social animals and we need permanent contact with our peers to stay healthy, but paradoxically, relationships between people are not easy. It is not easy for you, but neither is it for the other person. Everyone sees things in their own way, almost always we all think we are right, we are offended by things that are not always said with this intention, but above all, everyone carries their own emotional luggage (unresolved problems, bad experiences, past wounds , etc.). Besides, NOBODY IS PERFECT. Many times the best way to move forward with your life is to recognize that the other person is imperfectHe has his own motives and maybe he did the best he knew or could. Forgiving and forgetting helps to move forward and leave the past behind in order to start over with what is to come from now on. Do not think only of this process as an end, but as a beginning of something new, so you will come out stronger.