"The jealous thinks he loves, but only seeks his own inner security ..."
We call pathological jealousy to that way of obsessive control that is launched in the face of fear of losing a "possession." Again we find that thoughts can trigger negative emotions and their rational control would dismantle that particularly obsessive emotion.
Here we will talk mainly about those that occur in the love relationship, although in everyday life there are also people who show envy for anything that others have. Jealousy usually occurs in dependent people with a fragile self esteemthat they feel terribly empty before the possibility of losing the loved one. His life has never been cultivated inwardly, constantly needing the support of one or the other in order to continue on his journey. Jealousy is their way of controlling what they fear losing at all times providing that the simple possibility of "abandonment" does not occur. But contrary to what they expect, their constant control and distrust produce another effect. The person victim of the jealousy of the other, feels increasingly overwhelmed and needs to flee from such trouble. Jealousy always ends up producing the opposite effect of the desired one: the receiver of jealousy can no longer endure a faithfulness never credible for more justifications that he carries out and the jealous one feels tormented by his fixation of ideas and desperate when finally the foreseeable consequence is the rupture of the relationship so protected.
Distrust of one's own values creates helplessness and dependence on others. They love madly absorbing every millimeter of their beloved without letting a tiny gap open between the two lives. They press until they run out allowing the fixation of absurd ideas in their mind in an obsessive way that unbalances anyone. They do not live or let live because in their fear they forget to allow themselves to enjoy themselves. They never get satisfied because doubt is always visible in their minds.
“Jealousy is always a symptom of moral weakness and great emotional poverty” Pierre Daco
In children we can also find jealousy, but in them and in certain situations they are normal behaviors. The child always insecure in its early stages of precise development of shelter and affection provided by parents. This keeps it in balance. When the mother, the main supplier of that loving and safe source, becomes pregnant again, the insecurity that they will change it for the new baby, resurfaces in the form of jealousy towards that new being. Normally it is necessary to spend some time of accommodation so that the child realizes that no one is going to change him for another and learn to share his parents with the new brother. That stage well taken by the parents facilitates the balance in the child.
Jealousy is considered a pathological behavior when they are established in the habitual pattern of the person making them suffer from an absence of inner strength. Jealousy can lead the unstable person to affect some psychopathic behaviors. The fixed idea of betrayal is so settled inside that when it is sunk it reacts amorally. "If it's not going to be mine, it's not going to be anyone's!" - dramatic words that often discover that absorbing being that we described as a victim of the negative emotion called jealousy.
This type of jealousy so ingrained and deep, need help to discover and overcome them. Working the thoughts confronting them with reality will help to stop the force with which they invade the person who suffers them.
The person has to believe in himself and value himself without needing to depend exclusively on others to exist. A relationship in which there is enough space to have a private plot for each member and a common one for both, will achieve a better understanding and balance facilitating the development of both.
End jealousy, envy, obsessions and work your self esteem because it is in your own worth where you will find your balance.
We recommend our Self-Esteem Test.