- 1 Narcissism and Casanova man
- 2 Characteristics of the Casanova man
- 3 Do these men manage to be happy?
- 4 Conclusions
Narcissism and Casanova man
Source of inspiration for the clinical work, for these characters narcissistic, enamoradizos and unscrupulous, loved and envied as much as hated, make everything worth while conquering a woman. Their literary origins and a look in their psychology will allow us to better understand the figure of Don Juan these seductive but fearsome beings, to whom that phrase of Oscar Wilde: they always end up destroying what they love.
As a psychologist I will try to make the clearest description of these characters by first possessing them as gymnasts of seduction, this is understood as the need to seduce all the time; without knowing many times why? And for what? Apparently without a real goal as well as legitimate. Apparently they fall in love with the beloved object, but once they have achieved it they leave it. They cannot be fixed on a specific person. Just as the mythical character are anarchists of love they ignore happiness, virtue and decency. They consider any weapon to be conquered valid, they are the ones who say: in war and in love everything goes, since feelings towards the other person are not taken into account because they lack an empathic attitude. They are only interested in the moment of pleasure, and the permanent triumph over the woman they submit and the husband or boyfriend they achieve outwit.
These subjects could achieve feel in love, especially in a rather sexual sphere; My experience in clinical work makes me hypothesize that this is precisely where they would feel and experience their affections in a more genuine way. But this feeling is something as fleeting as destructive, which we might suspect is never.
Characteristics of the Casanova man
The seductive style can take the traits of a true compulsion; in this sense is that psychology defines them as addicts, understanding that addiction "It is an experience born from the subjective and routine response of an individual to something that has a special meaning for him, something that gives him so much security and confidence that he cannot live without it."
That is why their affective relationships visualize a compulsive seduction. Like when someone who is dedicated to art or even sports, and does what he should do, but in an easier way ... and more effective. (A facet of hysteria, in the clinical sense of the word). This being an enviable situation at all, even if it seems so from the outside. Sooner or later such a subject ends badly; with a feeling of frustration difficult to explain ... inner emptiness ... meaninglessness of life and finally (although it conceals it well) despair.
An interesting theory refers to the latent homosexual feelings of Don Juan who, when taking another's wife to bed, would also be sleeping with the outraged husband or boyfriend. “His apparent hedonism of absolute character conceals contempt for shared pleasure, because his action becomes a narcissistic monologue. According to Foucault, the two great systems of rules that the West has conceived to govern sex - the law of the alliance and the order of desires - are destroyed by the existence of Don Juan. ”
Another best known hypothesis attributed to Chronic seducer the desperate search for the maternal character and the attempt to recover the mother in each woman. But, if this were materialized in their oedipal fantasies, they would immediately have to abandon it because otherwise it would mean maintaining relationships with the woman who has brought it into the world, which leads them to their eternal difficulty of loving who they want: they are the ones, pressed by the ghost of incest, “When they love they cannot yearn, and when they yearn they cannot love”, in the words of Freud.
Do these men manage to be happy?
You might ask. Following the archetypes we can cite the case of Casanova, who lived his last years in ruin, forgotten in a public library where he worked as an employee, without friends, without family, without money.
And we must not forget that the literary Don Juan ends up condemned to hell. If we refer to reality, when a certain stage of his life has arrived, Don Juan finds himself with a physical limitation to sustain his seduction; can no longer resist the pace of a marathon marathon. In Scola's film, “Varennes night”, we see an old Casanova -interpreted by Mastroianni-, who meets a young woman who is captivated by him, or perhaps his fame, and the eternal seducer, already defeated, says: "I found you too late in life and you found me too early". In the end, after so much seducing and abandoning, he meets loneliness and this begins to weigh him. I am referring to a subject from 40 to 50, many of them, despite their age, continue to live with their mother, which corroborates the oedipal interpretation of Don Juanism. The mother is the only woman who has not been able to scam and, somehow, has married her.
For Don Juan it is not always sexual possession is essential; If only the carnal were enough for him, he would accept to maintain relations with prostitutes, but these are women who are not interested in seducing. Except for these cases, the others do not give the same thing: pretty or ugly, young or old, successful or unhappy, they are all the same before their eyes. The most important thing is the submission of the will. Because of his incorrigible narcissism, it is enough for a woman to show him his enthusiasm, his admiration for him, to make him feel irresistible, to enjoy his adventure. From the feminine side I could say that, whether or not they have an adventure with them, they are attracted at first or, at least, they consider these characters interesting. Don Juan lives seducing: if he is reunited with friends and a woman arrives, he immediately changes his attitude. His instinct puts him on alert, prevents you that a dam has arrived.
Not necessarily, although in the collective imagination it looks like this, Being a Don Juan means having more skills for sexuality. The greatest merit, If you have it, it is his facility to flatter female sensibility: They know how to give each woman what she is needing. In this sense they are chameleonic characters that metamorphose with the person next to them: they perceive very quickly the tastes, weaknesses, preferences and lacks of women, and with that data they manage the relationship. With respect to sexuality there would be, in any case, a greater attitude than aptitude. It is not a question of being a superamant or a gifted person, but of his special ability to capture his partner's sexual time.
There are those who could argue a manifestoaffective immaturity and a disorder in its structure, these characters also have a precarious moral structure. The crisis that they usually have about 40 to 50 years old is linked to their world of dissatisfied, devastated affections. (A characteristic of these individuals is strutting with their feats). All this leads to conflicts that show their emotional fragility, their emotional deficiencies, their immaturity to maintain a relationship within the established social parameters. While there are cases that this crisis leads them to rethink their existence and want to start a family, there are others who come to the offices looking - as a patient said - “That they give him energy again to continue in the race”. If they recover their somewhat self-esteem, they laugh at the comments that led them to that trance and want to continue with their conquests. Others, the most sensitive and intelligent, want to settle their lives and seek help for it.
To achieve the above they must change the image they have of women since they are macho, with a distorted view of women. In fact, the female sex is something that Don Juan manipulates at will to get satisfaction. He justifies this heartless attitude with a very practical explanation: "I no longer feel what I felt, what was between us is over, I must look for something new." It could be assumed in a phobic slope in these characters, with a need to put distances in lasting affective contacts, since they would be seen as a threat of castration. The truth is that, in some cases, the phobia before the female figure - a phobic object par excellence for Don Juan - is transmuted into an attitude of enthusiasm and permanent seduction.
There are those who think they are successful in the love field as much as in other things, but I would not confirm such parallelism. But the years go by and if with 60 he tries to seduce women of 20, will not be very successful and will be ridiculed, out of context. What other Casanovas do is keep the warrior spirit for an occasional occasion in which a slip is allowed. But first of all they ensure good emotional containment through marriage and parenthood: some become excellent parents.
Another aspect to emphasize is the condition in front of the manly world: it also seduces its companions from its virility, referring to its exploits, showing its new conquests. If the recent adventure of the eternal seducer is young and graceful, and the friend of Don Juan is married, the ideal combination is produced so that our character becomes an ideal of the self, because he impresses as achieving all that the other cannot . This is accentuated in a patriarchal and phallocentric society, which is why they cause such fascination. He knows and can, at least as far as love conquests are concerned. As for authentic and deep, complimentary, solidarity, companionship contact, love and commitment, ends up being a dramatic failure.
Mabel Ivonne Silva MondacaRelated tests
- Depression test
- Goldberg depression test
- Self-knowledge test
- how do others see you?
- Sensitivity test (PAS)
- Character test